


Binding

by GeoffFree



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Mild Angst, One-Shot, Trans Gavin, Transphobia, old-writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 13:59:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6522730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeoffFree/pseuds/GeoffFree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: A walks in on B binding, and totally flips out. B thinks it’s because they’re binding in the first place, but it’s actually because they were binding with ace bandages and could injure themselves. A later buys B a proper binder</p>
            </blockquote>





	Binding

**Author's Note:**

> So this is some old writing that was initially posted on tumblr. I can't remember where I got the prompt from now, but it was a previously discarded prompt from an anon. I touched it up a tiny bit, but only with a minor proofread, so there may still be some mistakes. And like I said, it's old writing. But either way I hope you enjoy. I have a soft spot for this piece anyway.

 

Gavin thankfully had a relatively small chest. He could hide it for the most part under thick jumpers or jackets and no one would be any the wiser. This, alongside the hormones he had been taking since his early teenage years, helped to ensure that to everyone who wasn’t in the know, he simply looked like a typical cis man. But it wasn’t always enough.

You could get away with wearing jumpers permanently when you lived in a place like England.  But in Austen? It was just too hot. Even if he would be able to survive, it would still raise too many questions that he didn’t want to answer. There was a reason he had waited until winter to move here. But already it was sweltering, and it was barely even spring.

He sighed, tracing his fingers along the bandages in his hand. They felt familiar. He didn’t bind if he could avoid it because it hurt like a bitch. In England he had a proper binder; it was a lot softer, a lot kinder on his back. But he hadn’t brought it with him. He didn’t feel like he could explain it to Geoff and there was no way that he could have hidden it when they did their laundry together.

He stood by the door as he wrapped the ace bandages around his chest, his ears straining in case anyone came near. He didn’t want to be caught in the middle of doing something like this. Not when Geoff had no idea. Not when he was still pretty much reliant on Geoff for his livelihood whilst he was in the States.

He pulled the bandages tight, ignoring the slight twinge in his spine at the motion. He wrapped a second layer around the first, hoping to smooth out any remaining lumpiness and at least give the appearance of a flat-chest. Already it felt too tight, but the relief that settled inside him as he conquered some of the dysphoria was enough to make him not care. He could deal with being uncomfortable if it meant he wasn’t going to be outed and misgendered and labelled a freak.

He hastily grabbed a shirt and pulled it over the bandages. He smiled appreciatively as he patted down his chest, feeling it both flat and firm beneath him. It looked alright.  It felt amazing.

He made his way downstairs, stepping sheepishly into the kitchen as he watched Geoff boil the kettle. He self-consciously wrapped his arms around himself, still feeling exposed despite having the bandages as a make-shift binder. Geoff turned towards him and Gavin stiffened, feeling as though he was being assessed despite the casual nature of Geoff’s glance.

“Coffee?” Geoff offered, removing the kettle from the heat. Gavin hummed in agreement as he took a seat. A moment later Geoff placed a steaming cup in front of him and flicked him in the forehead. Gavin spluttered in annoyance, his nose wrinkling at the slight phantom pain. Geoff laughed, taking a sip from his own coffee.

“What was that for?” Gavin whined, shooting a glare at the older man. Geoff shrugged.

“Just helping to wake you up.”

“I am awake!” Gavin complained.

“Uh-huh.” Geoff murmured, raising an eyebrow. “Seemed pretty out of it to me.”

Gavin gave a pointed scowl and returned to his coffee. He could feel Geoff’s eyes on him and he squirmed ever so slightly. His own gaze flickered down to his chest, and he swallowed heavily. Logically, there was no way for Geoff to know he was binding. Even now he could see no trace of the bandages under his shirt and there was absolutely nothing to reveal what he was hiding. Even so, Gavin felt like Geoff somehow knew. That somehow he would find out.

He finished his coffee quickly and scrambled to his feet. His chest felt constricted and he took a careful breath in, ignoring the tightness that wrapped around his ribcage. Geoff wasn’t paying too much attention; he was rambling on about something else, but Gavin had already lost track of the conversation.

“We ready?” He asked, interrupting Geoff. Geoff looked up at him, eyebrows quirking in surprise before he shrugged and muttered an affirmative, finishing his own coffee.

Gavin tried to keep up his normal level of chatter in the car, but there was a nervousness worming its way inside his stomach, which was only amplified by the concerned looks that Geoff had started to give him. In the end he fell into an uneasy silence. He wished he had bought a jacket, anything to offer him an extra layer of protection against being discovered, but already he was sweating from the humidity inside the car.

His life would be so much better when he could afford the operation. He was already saving up and now that he was working with Roosterteeth he should be able to afford it in the next few months. He would go back to England to have it, where he’d be able to recover without too many invasive questions. He just wished he could have the operation now and save himself all this pain.

They pulled up at the office and he steeled himself. He just had to make it through the day, which shouldn’t be too hard. Once he knew he could continue to pass without anyone raising questions or fostering suspicions than he would be able to relax. Once he managed a day he wouldn’t have to deal with feeling stressed and panicky with binding because he would know that it worked.

He stepped out of the car shakily and turned towards the office building. He could do this. He could get through this and no one would be any the wiser.

* * *

The day had already gone to shit. His back hurt. His chest was too tight and he felt like he couldn’t breathe properly. But that he could deal with. What he couldn’t stand was the fact that he constantly felt like he was being judged, as though people were scanning him, trying to figure out what was different. He was convinced that people knew.

Geoff must have noticed his sour mood because he’d given him all the editing jobs and kept him out of any new videos during the morning. Honestly, he was thankful. It was better to work when everyone was distracted by recording, even if he was sure they were sparing glances at him whenever they could. 

Everyone else had left for their lunch break, except for him and Geoff. He kind of wished that Geoff had gone with the others, just to give him a moment by himself to relax without the constant need to pretend.

He paused in his typing to open up another can of red bull, taking a frantic gulp as he tried to fight off the wave of light-headiness that had been lingering for the past hour or so. He kept telling himself it was because of the heat. But he could feel the bruising grip of the bandages around his chest, could feel the way that he just couldn’t breathe properly. It wasn’t just the heat.

He got to his feet quickly, stumbling in his haste. He passed Geoff without a word, heading straight for the bathroom. The building was quiet. Everyone was either still working or they had disappeared for lunch. Good.

He pushed his way into the bathroom and leant against the sink, breathing heavily as he felt a bead of sweat tumble down his forehead. He must have pulled the bandages too tight. He could loosen them and hopefully still pass. He stepped back from the sink and glanced at himself in the mirror, carefully peeling his shirt up to catch a glimpse of his bound chest.

He jumped as the door opened. He was pretty sure he saw a sliver of purple peeking out from under the bandages, but he had yanked his shirt back down too quickly to be sure.  He swivelled round on the spot, his breath catching in his throat as he all but crashed into Geoff.

“Whoa, Gavin, what’s happening?” Geoff asked, helping to steady him. His brows were pinched together in worry as his gaze searched Gavin. His brain seemed to freeze, no saving words coming to his aid.

“Gavin?” Geoff pressed, his arm brushing against Gavin’s side as he took a step towards him. Gavin flinched, unprepared for the contact and shocked at the pain it ignited. Oh, his chest was definitely bruised. He tried to hide his reaction, tried to scramble his brain for the words he needed to get out of this situation, but Geoff had already seen the flash of pain that had ignited Gavin’s expression. 

Gavin had no idea what Geoff was thinking; he just saw Geoff’s expression harden, before he grabbed Gavin’s shirt and pulled it over his head, moving fast but in a surprisingly gentle manner. Gavin froze, feeling as though he was hovering outside his body, merely observing rather than partaking in the action.

He felt the exact moment that Geoff realised what was actually going on. He stiffened besides Gavin, his hand hovering just below his chest where the bandages started. Gavin shrunk in on himself.

“Are you…” Geoff started, his voice tapering off. Gavin couldn’t make out his tone, couldn’t get a grasp on what he was thinking. He didn’t reply, just looked up at Geoff anxiously, which apparently was answer enough.

Geoff handed him his shirt and Gavin wordlessly put it back on, his gaze fixed permanently on the floor. He could feel the tension radiating from Geoff. There was something too hard in the way he was looking at Gavin, something that made him nervous and even a little bit scared. He had the thought that Geoff wanted to hurt him, that maybe he was about to be punched.

“Come on.” Geoff said quietly, leading Gavin away from the bathroom with a hand on his shoulder. He followed numbly, still feeling lightheaded and more than a little out of it. He noticed absentmindedly that no one had returned from lunch yet. Probably wouldn’t return for another twenty minutes or so.

Gavin looked up questioningly at Geoff as he was walked back to the car, but Geoff was already starting the ignition and was not meeting his gaze. Gavin sighed quietly and crawled into the passenger seat. The ride was silent and Gavin didn’t attempt to break it, feeling as though it would be tempting fate to do so. Instead he focused on the familiar route and realised with some degree of relief that Geoff was taking them back to the house.

He didn’t say a word, retreating to his own headspace as he shuffled behind Geoff into the house. His chest still hurt, but it was a dull pain, something that had almost gone numb and now merely lingered on the back of his mind. He still couldn’t seem to get enough air in though.

“Take them off now.” Geoff ordered sternly. Gavin lowered his head instinctively, fiddling with the hem of his shirt as he watched Geoff make his way upstairs. “Stay here.” He added, in that same, carefully measured tone.

He peeled his shirt off slowly, a shiver running down his spine despite the heat. He brushed his fingers over the bandages noticing how his hands were shaking. He took a shaky breath, clasping his hands in front of him in an attempt to steady them. It wasn’t just his hands that were shaking.

His throat was starting to hurt. It felt tight, like it was trying to seize up and force a sob out of him. He shook his head slightly, trying to clear his thoughts. But the fog of panic in his mind refused to dissipate.

“I thought I said to take them off.” Gavin jumped, Geoff’s gruff tone taking him by surprise. Geoff chucked something on the side table, his gaze fixed disapprovingly on Gavin. He froze, his brain seeming to go into shutdown as his hands clenched, still shaking despite his efforts, and he risked a glance up at the older man, who was only a few steps away.

Geoff sighed, taking a step forward as he reached for the bandages. Gavin flinched back dramatically, his nerve-wrecked body already anticipating a blow. Geoff paused, hesitating.

“Gavin, let me take them off.” Geoff said, his voice gentler, but Gavin could only process the underlying sternness. He shook his head, unable to form words as he stumbled backwards a few steps.

“Gavin.” Geoff added, his tone more demanding. Gavin flinched again, this time meeting Geoff’s bewildered gaze. There must have been something in his expression, because the moment their eyes met, Geoff’s entire demeanour seemed to change.

“Bollocks.” Geoff muttered, taking a step forward and pulling Gavin into a firm hug. Gavin squeaked, almost squirming his way out of Geoff’s grip before he found himself pressed up against the older man’s chest, strong hands enclosing his back. He hissed when his bruised ribs were knocked, and he felt Geoff loosen his grip in turn. Somehow Geoff managed to guide them towards the couch.

And then Geoff was slowly unwrapping the bandages. Gavin stiffened, still so unsure about Geoff’s intention. Still very confused.

“Trust me.” Geoff said quietly, continuing to undo the bandages. Gavin didn’t move, but he didn’t relax either. He could see the frown working its way onto Geoff’s face, could see the way it intensified and then the flash of something akin to anger in his eyes. His chest still felt tight, but he knew that most of the bandages had been removed. Gavin closed his eyes instead of looking down.

“Idiot.” Geoff grumbled, almost too low for Gavin to hear. But it was enough to make him open his eyes, and glance down at his chest. It was indeed bruised, but it was not as bad as he had anticipated. Geoff was already running his fingers gently along his ribs, and it stung, but nothing felt broken or bent out of shape.  

“How’s your breathing?” Geoff asked, glancing up at him. Gavin just stared. “It sounds shallow.” Geoff noted when he didn’t receive a reply. Gavin chewed his bottom lip silently. “Can you take a deep breath in?” Geoff said, his hand remaining on the side of Gavin’s chest.

Gavin breathed in slowly, watching Geoff’s hand move as his chest expanded upwards and out. He felt breathless, but he could take a deep breath in if he focused, and Geoff seemed satisfied at the very least.

“It doesn’t look like you’ve hurt yourself too bad.” Geoff hummed thoughtfully, his intense gaze focusing on Gavin’s face. “So, care to tell my why you’re being a fucking idiot and binding with ace bandages?!” Geoff snapped, his eyes narrowing slightly. Gavin shrunk back into the couch with wide eyes. He opened his mouth and closed it again, looking up at Geoff nervously.

“Surely you know better than this Gavin? You’re not a complete idiot.” Geoff huffed. Gavin could still hear the anger in his voice and he didn’t know what to do.

“I…sorry.” He mumbled quietly, an icy dread settling in his abdomen.

“Do you know how dangerous that was? God, I want to hit you for even thinking about binding with goddamn ace bandages.” Geoff growled, exasperated. Under normal circumstances Gavin would’ve known that Geoff’s threat was empty, but after dealing with two decades of transphobia be couldn’t look beyond his own fear.

“Please…please don’t hit me.” He whispered. Geoff paused, frowning at him. “Please don’t hate me, or kick me out, or…or anything, please, I’m sorry just don’t do anything please,” Gavin rambled, genuine fear seeping into his tone. He was shaking again. He couldn’t stop it. He clamped his mouth shut, his breath hitching as he struggled to regain some measure of composure.

“Gavin…” Geoff murmured and then he was next to him again. Gavin whined, trying to shrink away, but Geoff grabbed his wrist with urgency. “Gavin look at me.” Gavin shook his head, but let his eyes flicker open and meet Geoff’s gaze. The intensity was still there, but the anger seemed to have slipped away.

“I’m only annoyed because I care about you and I don’t want to see you get hurt. I don’t hate you, and I’m not going to hurt you or kick you out or do anything to you Gavin.” Geoff said. Gavin could tell he was sincere but it didn’t stop the panic.

“You’re annoyed I’m trans because you care about me?” He questioned, echoing Geoff’s sentiment. He forced himself to continue to meet Geoff’s gaze.

“What? No!” Geoff said, his face scrunching up in confusion. “When have I ever suggested I cared about you being trans?” Geoff questioned.

“You…You knew I was trans?” He replied bewildered. Geoff blinked at him.

“Of course…you didn’t know that?” Gavin shook his head. “I assumed you did. Burnie told me when I agreed to let you stay….”

“Oh…” Gavin muttered, more confused than he was before. He had told Burnie, had felt the need to considering they first met before Gavin could pass as male. He would be having words with Burnie later. “Wait, so what were you angry about?”

“The ace bandages, moron.” Geoff replied. Gavin frowned at him. “You don’t know how dangerous ace bandages are?” Gavin pursed his lips and shook his head. Geoff rolled his eyes. “Well they’re very dangerous. You should never bind with ace bandages. They’ll fuck your body up, possibly permanently.” Geoff explained.

“I…didn’t know that.”

“Well at least I understand why you panicked if you thought I was being a transphobic asshole. Usually when I tell you off you’re just a whiny bitch about it.” Geoff commented, with forced lightness. Gavin smiled slightly.

“Seriously Gavin, I don’t care that you’re trans. Never have and never will. But if you need help with this stuff, or just someone to talk to about it, I’m here. And that goes for anything you’re having difficulty with. Okay?” Geoff said softly. Gavin looked up at him, feeling slightly giddy, before he launched himself at Geoff, forcing the older man into a hug.

Geoff stumbled slightly, but recovered within seconds and was pulling Gavin further into the hug. He felt a hand run through his hair and he sighed, feeling the tension drain from his body.

Geoff eventually pushed away after a minute or so, despite Gavin’s whine of frustration. Geoff laughed slightly, whilst reaching for the side-table. He grabbed whatever it was he was looking for and chucked it towards Gavin. Gavin squawked as whatever it was plopped into his lap.

“I got that after Burnie told me in case you needed a spare, but I forgot to tell you and by the time I remembered I assumed you already had your stuff sorted.” Geoff said with a shrug. Gavin looked down, picking up the binder that Geoff had thrown at him. He blinked, gratitude blossoming in his chest. “If it’s the wrong size or whatever I can get you a new one. You shouldn’t bind today anyway. Give your body a chance to recover after the ace bandages.”

“Bloody hell.” Gavin muttered, feeling the fabric between his hands. “Thank you.” He said, looking up at Geoff.

“No problem kiddo.” Geoff replied with a smile, taking the moment to ruffle his hair affectionately.

Gavin sighed happily, relaxing back against the couch and staring at the binder with amazement. The day had started out pretty shit, but somehow everything had gone his way in the end. He smiled, glancing at Geoff and feeling immensely glad that he had him in his life.

 


End file.
